“Writing about art is like dancing about architecture.”

*may not actually be steve martin’s quote. the internets are unsure

But I think it’s worth it.

It’s long been a truism that interesting people maintain implements to record thought on their person at all times. Some prefer advanced computer devices, moleskins or whathaveyou but I am a firm adherent of the hipster pda. After several years of use I am now resolutely horrified by the prospect of not carrying a pen and paper at all times. If it’s not in my pocket I feel helpless, intellectually isolated and scared.

Fellow blogger Wildcard agrees on the fundamental utility but has implemented a slightly different system. She made me this demonstrative animated gif that brings me rapturous delight.

If you’re dubious about either of these systems they can easily prove themselves. Use one for three days, record various to do items, enjoyable snippets of books or conversations and ideas for projects or solutions to problems. Stow your instruments for 3 weeks and then examine the baffling variety of things you’ve forgotten.

You know when you’re out and about somewhere and remember that you need to complete a tier 2 or tier 3 task (most recent example for me: I need to get a carbon monoxide detector for the tenants). Then a couple days later you remember that you need to do it again? if you don’t record those things and put them into a retrieval system YOU ARE WASTING BRAIN CYCLES!!! Seriously, you’re preventing yourself from being happier. You don’t want that right? Better start writing stuff down. Here’s that hipster pda link again.

fuck you, I don’t care if it’s sunday.

I posted the following ad on craigslist yesterday

Carpet Install 9′x13′ (Old Town)
Reply to: 080435@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-03-24, 1:15PM MDT

Hi,

I need someone who has experience installing carpet to do a quick install. The room is 9×13 with a closet and a door nook. I have the carpet and the carpet padding but no other necessary supplies.

IF YOU WANT THE JOB EMAIL ME WITH THE FOLLOWING INFORMATION
1. What experience do you have? (photos are good)
2. How many hours do you guess that it will take?
3. What do you guess will be the total cost?
4. When can you take on the job? (asap for the win)

I’ll return any email that addresses those four questions

thanks in advance!

–

In 12 hours this ad generated four emails

+ 2 asking what size the room is (no other information)
+ 1 “I think i might be interested in your post, can I give you a call?” with no number
+ 1 Very highly skilled team of craftsmen that answered all of the questions and will be installing the carpet today at 1pm for $100

Here’s my question: What is wrong with this ad? How can I get more people to respond? How can I make it more clear to reduce the number emails I get? or perhaps rather raise the number of quality emails I get?

One of the my core beliefs is that people are not fucktarded idiots per se, but rather that everyone responds to variable environmental stimulus. I’ve been posting a lot of craigslist ads recently due to housing construction so I’m interested in knowing any random CL tips and tricks that people have picked up over the years.

attn star: I dumpster scored the carpet padding and the carpet itself is a remaindered piece that I got for 130$

Ok, you’ve all heard about how AIG decided to dickslap everyone in America by handing out 160 million dollars in executive bonuses despite being bailed out by the government. Here are a few things that you might have missed

+ Number 1
Notable Voodoo Knickers Homie and Probably the most awesome dude no longer in politics, Eliot Spitzer, says that the real dickslap comes in the form of all the companies that AIG is paying out to. Scope his full article here

+ Number 2
There is an argument that there has to be some reliance on the consistency of a contract, which appears to basis for the absolutely insane right wing opposition to this. That’s madness by the way, bankruptcy frequently voids contracts.

+ Number 3
A lot of those bonuses were retention bonuses, but it turns out that a lot of people who got them had already left.

+ Number 4
The idea for the bonuses is to retain top talent in the industry but it went to people in the section of AIG that were largely responsible for making really bad decisions.

+ Number 5

A.I.G. is effectively suing its majority owner, the government, which
has an 80 percent stake and has poured nearly $200 billion into the
insurer in a bid to avert its collapse and avoid troubling the global
financial markets. The company is in effect asking for even more
money, in the form of tax refunds. The suit also suggests that A.I.G.
is spending taxpayer money to pursue its case, something it is legally
entitled to do. Its initial claim was denied by the Internal Revenue
Service last year.

:: via the NYTimes via Email (thanks Mr. Gordon!) ::

+ Number 6
AIG Corporate Security’s Tips for Surviving an Angry Mob {link to an ACTUAL aig memo}

A daring midnight raid on the local hippy chocolate factory netted an elite team of special agents well over 25 kilos of organic belgian chocolate bricks. The spoils of war were divided equally among 4 pirates, my take is pictured below (that shiny thing is a quarter for scale). The sheer absurdity of having that much chocolate was met with a similarly spectacular lack of self control. All of us had sugar induced dizzy spells and stomach aches inside of 45 minutes. The shakes and a general inability to really focus my eyes was totally worth it. The trend continued into this afternoon with disastrously delicious results.

At some point around noon when I was rolling on the ground in agony, trying to repress the urge to vomit I was struck by just how wonderful my life had to be to get that miserable. From a fetal position, I promised myself that I would eat something other than chocolate tomorrow.

I also bottled my first batch of homebrew and defeated the skunks that had previously taken residence under my house.

Child sex robots for pedophiles, ethical or not?

So for the last few days the thing that has brought me the most pleasure is inventing new idioms. The one I like most is

Get off the dinosaur

and I’ll just leave you to interpret what that means. The beauty is that you can use it and people will kind of know what you mean.

for example: Sam L. won’t get off the dinosaur and use google reader.

To All My Google Readers (and people who should be using google reader but aren’t picking up what I am repeatedly putting down),

So google recently introduced this feature that allows you to share any page in reader, and I can assure you that if indeed bees had knees this feature would be them. You go to this page and drag the thing that says “note in reader” into your toolbar.

Now for the real ProTip:
The thing that gets shared is whatever you highlight on that page.

wow, that should blow your mind with possibilities if you use google reader. If you’re not using google reader you’re basically like one of those people that uses yahoo mail. Hey, haters gotta hate. and remember, the truth will set you free, but first it will annoy the shit out of you.

—–

For people that insist on not having access to knowledge even though you’re on the world wide network of electronically interconnected websites, I’ve been digging this finnish dubstep today

that’s because it is! and here is one OF MANY things that prove it.

The lawsuit also claims that Bank of America authorizes debit card transactions that will result in overdraft fees; fails to warn customers that specific debit card transactions may result in overdrawn accounts; posts debit card and other transactions in high-to-low order; and provides account balance information to customers that is not current, accurate or as advertised. In addition, the lawsuit claims that Bank of America’s customer agreements are unconscionable, and that Bank of America does not provide customers with copies of account agreements until after they open their accounts. Bank of America denies these claims and contends that it has fully complied with federal law, any applicable state laws, and its customer agreements,

In short, The unconscionable rogues at BofA actively lied to customers about their balance so the bank could make hella cheddar on overdraft fees. The cool thing is that they lost the lawsuit and have to pay customers 78$ if they had an account between 04 and 07. You can claim that online at this website

https://clossonsettlement.com/

At least 500 Japanese men, women and children took their lives in the first half of 2008 by following instructions posted on Japanese websites, which describe how to mix bath sulfur with toilet bowl cleaner to create a poisonous gas. One site includes an application to calculate the correct portions of each ingredient based on room volume, along with a PDF download of a ready-made warning sign to alert neighbors and emergency workers to the deadly hazard.

I have several things to say about this:
1. Suicide rates increase after reports of suicide appear in the news media (according to sociologists). I’ve also read (I forget where) that rates of car, train and airplane accidents go up as well. Given this, is it ethical to run stories like the one above? or blog about them (Moroccans are known for being easily influenced)?

2. Anyone considering suicide should delay the decision for a few days. There’s no harm in thinking it over a bit because you can always kill yourself later. If you’re really serious, get a credit card and fly someplace in the Caribbean. Seriously, consider suicide again in the context of margaritas on a costa rican beach. Get yourself a latin lover for good measure. fyi, you don’t ever have to come back to the United States.

3. If scuba diving and dancing still make you want to commit suicide go for it. But don’t do anything that would leave a mess. No jumping off buildings. No creating a deadly gas that requires a hazmat team. No explosions. No fires. No hanging yourself. Leave a detailed note and go someplace secret deep in the woods. Take your cell phone just in case you change your mind.